Once upon a time, I played the largest dwarf on the theatre stage, alongside Hollywood stars, cult movie kings, punk queens and an ice princess. Never playing to an audience of less than 1000, with more than 130,000 punters eventually paying to hear me sing!

Truthfully, it’s not in my blood, but I do go to the theatre at least twice a week, sometimes every night, doing reviews for outlets like thelondondailynews.com.It’s a perk of the job! Well half of it is, the other half I pay the full cash price (willingly) as even the worst disaster has its entertainment value, and I’m a glutton for entertainment.

And the very best that can be had is here, in London. Some of it is stupidly expensive for a load of old laser beam racket, but sometimes you can see the greatest artists in their field, at the top of their game for absolutely nothing.

In honour of its centenary, the Society of London Theatre is patting itself on the back. I recently attended one of their workshops, or was it a dreadful one act play, at the Royal Court. A wonderful arena showing thought provoking one set plays to stretch the most academic of minds. Not a lot of jokes, although I found the assembled speakers hilarious. Hosted quite superbly by theatre critic Michael Billington (although he’s never actually reviewed me, so maybe I should be getting the first dig in?).

The panel consisted of a veritable who’s who of establishment family names, all dreadfully positive about the state of the “text based play” and sneering at those dirty musicals that ordinary people ARE prepared to get all done up to see, for not much change out of £100. And, oh how unfair of TV to pander to musical casting (needing to be prompted that the only reality TV series about the theatre that flopped was The Plays The Thing, coincidentally about a “text based play”).

Not being a luvvie, I’m unaware of how much self congratulation is the norm in these circles. But it was when the daddy of the group said, with pride that “the theatre is ahead of the game, I remember seeing a play in Cardiff in 1957....” I held my head in disbelief. There is a revolution going on right now! A revolution of extended runs, packed houses and doing what the serious theatre can’t even dream of...
namely, bring a new to theatre audience into the Westend.

Impempe Yomlingo’s recent reading of Mozart's Magic Flute showed this young man (24) to be as awesomely talented as Gershwin must have been back in the day.

If you missed it, the loss is yours. Then there was John Simms (top TV talent: Life On Mars and The Lakes) who successfully gambled away his tabloid time as the Master in Dr Who to transfer his seminal performance of Elling from the Bush (over a pub) to the Trafalgar in Whitehall. And now the hottest show anywhere in town, with a cast of complete unknowns who will make your eyes pop is: Into The Hoods. Thanks to Kate Prince, who is key to Zoonation, the company who staged this masterpiece of modern story telling, everything about the experience is spine tinglingly NOW! Hell, they even suggest you switch your phone to silent and text with the light off, rather than tut at your lack of theatre etiquette.

Into the Hoods is proof that the entrenched darlings of the Westend, who toast each others highly romanticised past glories in claret and champagne whilst speculating on where their blue plaque will get erected, are being overtaken by young, driven, healthy mavericks, thinking outside the box, doing what they love, and succeeding.

And lest we forget, there’s Sir Andrew, packing out every other auditorium in the world with millennia running smash hits, aided by TV (to the annoyance of the “text based play” mafia) and d’you know? it looks as though there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him?
Mind you, I’ve not seen a Lloyd Webber production in... umm, ever I suppose! Well, not being a foreign tourist or part of a glee club party from Corby, I don’t think I qualify.

current theatre gems
* Into the Hoods - see above.
* Brief Encounter - tenderly produced with magical care and inventiveness in the theatre where Coward first staged it.
* Mama Mia - camp fun that makes you realise just how good Abba were.
* Jersey Boys - forget who this bio play’s about, this is a real life Westside Story. You’ll love them so much at the end, you’ll buy their “best of” CD, I guarantee it.
* Pygmalion - Una Stubs alone is worth the ticket price in this laugh out loud classic.
* Hairspray - from start to finish toe tapping Kitsch fun with a diamond cast.
* Cabaret - nazi burlesque with the most chilling final scene you’ll ever see.
* The Pajama Game- a triumph of small time budget/big time entertainment, at the wonderful 50 seater Union Theatre, where they ask you not to flush the loo during the performance.

Big George, who has abandoned all dreams of a stage career in order to fail to capitalise on his “blink and you’ve missed him” appearances in the forthcoming Sex And The City blockbuster, presents a no holds barred talk show on BBC London 94.9 every weekday morning between 2-6am