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11 April, 2008 09:58 (GMT +00:00)

Non-smoker Big George starts ripping the Governments No Smoking ban to shreds, only to find it

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How could we let it happen? Being told... NO! being “threatened” with jail time if we smoke in the works van, or in a pub, or anywhere outside the House of Commons. Human rights, what next?

How could we let it happen? Being told... NO! being
threatened!with jail time if we smoke in the works
van, or down the pub, or anywhere outside the House of
Commons. Human rights, what next? We've already banned
hairspray, so maybe no deodorant in the disco! The
story "they're" sticking to is, protection of workers,
as smoking environments are harmful to health. Agreed,
but what about working down a pit, or being a cone
monkey on the M25, or a forklift truck driver at a
concrete suppliers. Are you saying those working
environments aren't bad on the lungs?

Personally I've always loved Ronnie Scott's, great
music and a smokey atmosphere Hollywood would die for.
The thought of this impinging legislation on people's
rights to pollute their own lungs, whilst breathing
atmosphere into London's Jazz history was almost too
much to take. Annoyingly I have to report, Ronnie's,
and every other venue I've visited in the last nine
months have replaced thick and dirty air with a
crystal clean clarity. But the real change is the
constant procession to the street door by the bad
people, the smokers! Now I don't smoke, but I tend to
follow my "weeder" and partake of their classless and
resigned to underdog status street banter.

The smoking ban has been a great leveler, as nicotine
addiction knows no social barriers, no demographics,
no property portfolios. All are equal, and all are a
potential traffic disaster. Last summer as you'll no
doubt remember, the global warming depression we were
all force fed, was accompanied by a total lack of
summer, but d'you remember the sight of crowds in the
street. This year will be Scorchio! That'll mean empty
pubs surrounded by stupidly crowded pavements. In fact
I predict the amount of drinkers on pub street corners
will make the pilgrimage to Mecca look like a mid week
reserve team friendly at Brentford. Which means it's
great for getting served, nobody hogging the bar, but
it's a serious highway incident waiting to happen,
again and again and again. Think of it, 100's of
people (smokers and non smokers) drinking booze and
expressively enjoying themselves on a 3 foot wide
pavement.

Talking of the harm that can befall our smoking
community, if you're canny there's a way of earning a
few quid from this law. Here's my top tip, just walk
around the West End stage doors at about 8.30pm with a
camera and take a snap of stagehands puffing away with
Orks outside Lord of the Rings, Nazis outside Cabaret,
Witches outside Wicked... I once saw Cpt Jean Luc
Picard in tights standing alongside a gorillaesqe
stagehand. I can't confirm whether he was puffing on a
cancer stick, maybe he was just doing the cool thing
and following the smokers; well, their conversation is
always so much better. It's one of London's great 21st
century sights, every night, you too can see stars in
costume and full make up cadging a fag off a greasy
follow spot brute.

Oh yes, I mentioned a nice little earner? Simply take
an in focus, well framed, unposed photograph. There
are numerous magazines of scant regard that pay
upwards of £100's for that kind of intrusion!


Big George may not smoke tabs, but every weekday morning, between the hours of 2-6am he hosts a talk show on BBC London 94.9 which is On Fire!

Read Big George 's page on BBC London


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